I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
