it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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