i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
