I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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