should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I smell like Dick and happiness
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
