My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
