Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
