Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
