Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
