I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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