whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
