Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
