WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
