dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
