Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
