if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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