My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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