Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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