no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
