hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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