Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
...so i touched it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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