They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
