I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
