hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
