I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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