Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
