It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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