I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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