Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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