My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
