Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
