That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
