capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
These tits shall not be calmed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
