Buhtt sex?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I need a burrito and a hug.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
