I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
