you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
