I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Im part way to drunk.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
