There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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