cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
