So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
