the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
