physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
