I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
