Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
