Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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