Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
