that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
