Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
