i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
