Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
