I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
