Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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