I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My life is pants optional.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
