Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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