You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
