dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
