I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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