I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think my moral compass just broke
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
