im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
