i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
