why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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