Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
