I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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