Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
