Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize