i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
