tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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