Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
