my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
