your thong is hanging out like whoa
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
