just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
