i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
whose ass print is on the piano?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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