I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
