WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
