I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
